


all that's left is molecules of you

by smilesstar



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, angstyy, it was getting too happy in this chili's tonight, so i had to add some sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14524413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilesstar/pseuds/smilesstar
Summary: she decided to write it down. 03 verse





	all that's left is molecules of you

**Author's Note:**

> edwin week prompt 3, choose your own. i will always choose the angst whoops

How do you deal with someone you love leaving? Especially if it’s someone who never knew how loved they were by you? 

 

Everyone was sad. Everyone was mourning. Mourning like he was dead, which Winry had faith that he wasn’t. Al was inconsolable, locking himself in his room and refusing to come out, even to eat. Granny was bringing his food to him, one of the only ones not pressuring him to come out. 

 

Winry visited him occasionally. Most of the time he would end up sobbing, her stroking his hair and rocking him back and forth trying to not let her own tears escape. Even after their father left, after their mother died, they always had each other. She couldn’t imagine the weight on his shoulders right now. 

 

She knew she had a right to be sad, she felt guilty doing so. Al had it so much worse than her. 

 

That’s why she refused to talk about it. No matter how many times Rose sat her down with a cup of tea, rubbing her hand and saying she could talk about anything. No matter how many times Granny came into her room, saying she was worried about how she was throwing herself into her work and self isolation. No matter how many times Al gave her those big eyes, saying that she could talk about it if she wanted to as well.

 

She needed to get it out, but there was no one she could really talk to. 

 

That’s why she was here now, a pen in her hand and a piece of paper on the desk. 

 

If she couldn’t talk it out, why not write it? 

 

She wasn’t going to write some journal entry though. She would write a letter to Ed, expressing all of the love and bitterness and mixed emotions she had for him.

 

_ Not that he’d ever read it. _

 

But in a way that was relieving, that she could pour it all out and not suffer a single consequence. The consequence of him knowing all of her deepest, darkest, and most selfish of thoughts. 

 

She locked her door, turned on her lamp, and lingered at the window as she closed all of her blinds, glimpsing at the setting sun to give her strength. 

 

Pen in hand. Paper on desk.

 

She was going to get it all out. 

 

_ Ed, _

_ There were lots of things I always wanted you to know. I wanted you to know that you always had a home here with us, I wanted you to know that you weren’t alone and could always talk to me, and I wanted you to know that we would always accept you no matter what. However, the things I’m about to write in this letter are among those that I never want you to know. And you never will.  _

 

Winry’s hand starting shaking. She used her other hand to steady it, urging herself to write on. 

 

_ It’s a bit relieving, that you will never see the contents of this letter. Even if there was a chance I ever wanted you to, you couldn’t. Because you’re gone. You got what you wanted, didn’t you? You left and never looked back.  _

 

She could feel her bitterness rising. She let it. 

 

_ You were always so eager to leave and not return for ages. Did you like it? Leaving everyone who cared about you behind without a trace of where you were going? What danger you would be in?  _

 

_ Everything I did. The training, the interning, the research on how to create the finest automail was for you and Al. So that you wouldn’t be killed. So that you could eventually find peace, and some semblance of home. It was never enough, was it Edward?  _

 

_ Was it me? Was I never enough? Was this never enough? Were you always so eager to get away from me? What did I do wrong?  _

 

She knew she was babbling as she wrote out every thought, rational or irrational. She felt the familiar sting coming to her eyes, but she didn’t stop.

 

_ There’s nothing, Ed. No proof to me that you existed besides a childhood friend. I always wanted all of us to be together forever, you know that? I never wanted you to leave. But I couldn’t stop you, and wouldn’t stop you. No matter what, I will never beg for you to come back.  _

 

_ I loved you, Ed. Maybe I still do. No, I absolutely still do, and probably will forever. I never expected us to be together, or for you to even return my feelings. Nevertheless, it was always nice to dream. But I can’t dream anymore. Because you’re gone.  _

 

The tears were at full force. Falling down her cheeks and dripping onto the pages. 

 

_ You can’t love someone back to life.  _

 

She had to stop then. Sobs racking from her body, unable to contain them anymore. She brought her arms around herself, willing herself to just keep breathing. 

 

After calming down a bit, she turned back to the unfinished letter. So many things. So many that he would never hear. 

 

But some things were better left unsaid. 

 

_ I always hoped for your happiness, and still do. I still have faith that you are somehow alive and will come back. Even if you never do, I hope that you have found peace wherever you are.  _

 

_ I will always be here, even if you are not.  _

 

_ -Winry  _

  
  



End file.
